Expectations or Runner

So there I was, all fresh after 4 days of doing nothing and mentally psyched to have a good run. The 'put in effort' type of run. The endeavor and images were prettily rehearsed in my little mind. They remained there.

I started off strong, but only because everyone was still chatting and taking it easy. After 15min, the runners began to get serious and picked up pace. I lost a group at the road leading to Labrador Park. I was already panting on the way up the Labrador Hill, but I persisted in keeping a close distance with my target pacer for the day. The 2 loops within the Park were quite a killer, I had to distract myself from the huffing and puffing by totally focusing on the pacer ahead of me. Then I was dropped, or rather I could not keep up. I continued alone back to Safra, desperately trying to test out the speed I was using. Speed is relative. What is fast and heart-thumping for me is often a relaxed pace for the better runners. I tried tagging on a front group as we waited together at a traffic junction. Of course I could not, and I lagged further and further until I could not see them anymore. Then I tried sprinting on the finishing slope up Henderson Road and nearly died 3 times (metaphorically).

The bitter pill was knowing that I was pushing the pace and strides, yet not being able to close or maintain the gap. It is very demoralizing to go for a run feeling totally refreshed and recharged, only to be reminded once again that one cannot perform up to expectations. Or perhaps the problem lies with the said expectations, and not the runner. And yet perhaps, redemption might come from the expectations, and not the runner, to spur us to better ourselves. I would just have to train so much harder and push so much more. That, plus I need to drop 2kg to go faster.