So I had an existential talk with myself during my 2.5hr jog-a-walk this morning. It was a lethargic run. It was so easy being the last runner and falling far far behind everyone. When I reached NUH, Jimmy was exiting. Along the SRC slope, Ong saw me and shouted out to jia-you. I spent the time on the run thinking about the upcoming PD triathlon and AHM. I estimated that I would take about 4.5hr to complete - 1h swim, 1:40h bike, 1:30h run, plus some buffer of transition. Maybe I should not race afterall. It seemed suicidal. I mulled about my target for AHM this year. I think 2.5hr seemed reasonable.
Running was very slow and listless lately. Plus my detox diet in the last 2 coughing weeks totally wiped out my carbo stores. I was coughing this morning, again it eased after 50min of slow jog. But by 1:12h I was flat, hungry, no power. I just could not muster the strength and energy to gear up and run.
Hack, maybe I needed to find another social circle, a different social group. Slowness was criminal at Safra. Everyone was getting faster and faster. There was no meaning to run with the club anymore when 90% of the time I was running alone. I could always run by myself anytime I liked and anywhere I wanted. The club was also getting too cliquish, too many small inner tight groups. It certainly felt very different from when I first joined 2 years ago. It seemed rather meaningless to show up, run by myself, and eat with the same company that I could have without being at the club. But primarily, it was disappointing and discouraging to be there. Criminal almost, chugging half hour behind.
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