Saturday, November 1, 2008

On Women and Values

The middle-aged (30ish) to elderly (60ish) women I had met on this Europe trip were very interesting. Most of them were fiercely independent, valued their freedom (should I say guarded it zealously) and had little or no intention to get married. Different women had told me in essentially the same words - Do what I want, when I want, without having to wait for or answer to others.

Almost all of them had been married before, and they told me that nonchalantly, as one would announce the number of sibling one has. Most had live-in male partners, and happy with that no-strings-attached arrangement. Many were 'cougars' - older independent women dating younger men. Only one was planning a wedding next year, after living with her much-older partner for 7 years. I was told that in Finland, children borned to 'unmarried' couples were legally recognized and 'tied' to the natural father who would be responsible for them.

And then, there was another group of women. Women of leisure, married or living with rich old tycoons. These well-maintained ladies lived a jet-setting lifestyle of luxury, courtesy of their partners who travelled a lot for business. For this group, the art of subtle deference, playing the perfect hosts with small talk that made one feel like long lost friend, making gently intelligent conversations without usurping their partners, lovingly nudging their partners.... it was an art that captured their strong feminity yet vulnerability, and I was sure men were enchanted by that. So too, I met a couple of much older men who were living with younger women.

I was enthralled by what I observed during my short stay and through conversations with the residents in a non-tourist interaction. There was a part of the new womenomics movement that appealed to me. And then there was a more traditional women culture that fascinated me.

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